it was hard to think of you,for a long time.i never got to tell you goodbye.it was easy to remember you,on the good days.i heard you were doing okay.missed you an wanted to talk,but everyone told me it was better to stay away.they never gave me the way to contact you.its been almost five years?i finally got ahold of your email about four weeks ago.i was so eager to write,i didnt for i was just trying to think of the right things to say.that same week you were gone,like a flame in the wind.i always missed you.i never got the chance to tell you how i felt.so im telling you now.i just want you to know that despite all of the bad,i never judged you.when my brother and i would sit on our second story roof to watch the stars..and see you leaving at four am..wondering where you went.the heroin.the lies.those things,i forgave them,i never held them against you,ever.i know of all the things that happened,but i cant seem to put those pieces together with the person i remember..i loved getting out of school to come work at our family store,you and my mom would be there..with pizza for me and ria sometimes.you guys would go home,we would close the store at 8 pm after selling the doctors and nurses the things they needed.i remember so many things.i was getting paperwork from my moms file to renew my drivers license when i saw your death certificate.a water formed my eyes..i couldnt believe it still,the paper read..your name,the place,the cause,the time.i love you.i love you,thats what i wanted to say.i hope you knew that.
