so small with a wide eyed open sky

     simultaneously looking at the snow capped mountains

    feeding deer friends

    tarot readings & seasonal beer in the middle of a forest,soaking up all positive energy from negative
    ions that came from pine trees

    after climbing a huge ass rock

    sean

 

in my deepest blue

 
 eric james and i would take turns with my eyeliner, to write random messages on leaves and put them in spots we knew people would find them. im having trouble coping with his death. i believe theres a fine line between loosing it and getting it,but im somewhere in between. im having trouble finding beauty in things that were so easily loved before. to my close friends, im sorry for not showing up or calling you back when i promised to. its not like me, im sorry. what do you do with the pieces of a broken heart? when you physically hurt from missing someone. double glancing at some one downtown because it looks like you, to realize.. it doesnt look like you at all. knowing its just, missing you. i love you eric,  thank you for your smile. thank you for our songs we sang in the grass under the sun. thank you for walking around town with me, and holding my hand. thank you for the random notes with inside jokes and talking late on the phone about nothing/everything. thank you for being the only one out of our friends to notice i wasnt at school, taking the liberty to call me & bring snicker doodles & watch amelie & the original death at a funeral when i had 103 fever. thank you for looking out for me. especially when i used to waitress at dennys; taking me to claire's & getting me that awesome real looking wedding ring..having me say your name when i pretended to be married & that surprise show up visit kiss you gave me, also wearing a 'wedding ring' so that middle aged stalker would never come in for coffee at three am ever again. thank you for our poetry. thank you for the short films we made alone when you would spend the night. thank you for your laugh,& thank you for your love. i'm sorry people are the way they are, but i will continue to show kindness even to those i don't think deserve it. im happy we existed together. i sang at your memorial, that song.. just like you made me promise to. i felt you there.. i dont know how but i didnt cry. picturing you on my lap singing it with me helped. thank you for that. thank you for being you. i love you & miss every thing. every single day. i know deep down as hard as it is to say.. youre happier now ♥ 

a kiss on your forehead. ill be seeing you*