the past two days i've had a total of five hours and fifteen minutes of
sleep.
at eleven pm i gave up on trying to sleep and indulged into an
old favourite novel,
i was having so much fun reading and laughing so
hard..
turned to a clock and its four am?! i'm seventeen pages away
from ending it.
i am so tired that i cant sleep.
gripped by insomnia, again.
yesterday night my friends called and wanted to suprise sean & i, they picked us up thirty
minutes later which was so cute because they live an hour away & were already on their way
just thought it was just so sweet that they wanted to pick us up, even though i have a car.
i'm so lucky to have friends like that, we stayed up all night, making up games
to play that involved drawing, guessing,reading, dancing, and trying not be to
completely distracted by their new white kitten.
that they named booger sugar. haha i thought it was a strange name
they didn't know if they were going to keep him at first because he kind of just showed up,
but everyone loves him, he is staying & the joke name just stuck.
..although i didnt know the name meant anything. they didnt mean it to,
it just suprises me how sheltered i still am. today we spent the day in their living room
passing around books with interesting stories, profound quotes & crazy facts. when
we liked one so much we shared it with everyone. we also threw in a random
book
where the sidewalk ends because that book is always fun. drank tea, and talked a lot.
sprawled out across the floor or sitting on the couch, we just enjoyed eachother and the day today.
i wonder if anyone else in this generation also goes without tv & computer purposely for days to
just really be involved in life anymore. (not having access to cable or internet doesnt count)
like having a debit card and never touching the money, makes me personally feel like the money isn't real.
people have tablets now.. but to me it seems like theyre missing out on half the point. touching the book, opening it, the way it smells, seeing someones name and a little note from the person who gave it to them in cursive handwriting that is dulling out from being written in pencil, and having to actually bookmark it. thats half the fun to me. i know its the way of the world to change, and i should be used to it by now. it reminds me of that line in that one bright eyes song "you think after 22 years, id be used to the spin". its actually just like that line.
on another note i've begun writing again. music. which feels so good! my good friend kyle wants to record some stuff for fun soon so that's exciting. i cant wait, really.
sometimes when i go visit my granma in my old town, i pass some places. i miss this old coffee company that not so recently died and turned into another pizza place. come on! like starbucks is the only place on the planet to go to for coffee? serious? not giving in.. don't even get me started on starbucks.
anyway. there was a piano in old coffee company, on sunday mornings different people/bands would schedule to play at like 9am. it was awesome because downtown was a ghost town sunday mornings due to church. it the only place you could spot a human there. it was filled with elderly folk smiling in silence with a warm cup of coffee in their hand & music coming from inside. i remember the first time i was walking with a couple of friends around there to enjoy the morning. my friends were talking so followed the music and stood in the door frame, taking in these lyrics that this mid age man was singing and playing piano. he finished singing, i smiled, and was ready to walk away after clapping.. when he spoke into the mic. "hey you there in the door, with the red & white striped shirt" i turned around. "you play piano?" i nodded my head. "i can tell, come play us a song won't you?" i felt myself blush but i walked over to the piano. he asked my name, and introduced me. i sang &played hallelujah by leonard cohen. after finishing it was silent for about three seconds. while noticing my friends in the door way, people begun clapping. he came back to his seat. i turned to him and smiled. before going on with his show he turned to me and whispered "i felt it, thank you so much". i didnt know what to say, i was happy and i just smiled at him. he turned to the audience and asked for another round of applause in my name, which made me turn bright red & run out of there. it all happened so fast, my friends were just as suprised as i was. i didn't know i had the nerve to. while i lived there for a few years i made friends with the owner and played shows there. it felt so nice, to not know anyone and go secretly play sometimes on mornings to myself. my granma & family found out though so i ended up inviting them the last time i played with some friends there. it felt like my spot. it was small and quaint and, perfect. it actually was a big factor on why i stopped playing shows often. i still play sometimes, but i want to find something like that again before i start playing on a regular basis. but that place came to me almost. so instead of 'finding' another place like that, i'll patiently just wait for another one to pop up like that one did. i'm dialing a call into universe please hear it within the next few of years haha random places are fun, dont get me wrong. super fun... but having one spot is nice.
it is nearly five thirty.
the sky is changing from navy to egyptian blue
my mind is wandering else where so
here are some photos of recent sketches & paintings
& good morning! ☼
fino alla prossima volta ~
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| sinking into the harmonica |
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| piles of fallen leaves |
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| piles of fallen leaves close up |
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| i took off my boots & held onto you, tight.. in my dreams |
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