lost concert

  pixies playing, sean and i danced and screamed to their music, we met some cool new people. i met a girl  wearing an outfit similar to mine & she painted my nails, i sang her a song.. got to paint with brooke monster & my photos from the concert were stolen along with my cell phone by this asshole gangster dude. when the pixies played where is my mind every ones dialogue bled into one & countless amounts of lighters filled the air & swayed back & fourth. then they played into the white, the theatre filled with white smoke,now everyone screaming along. after the song i ran into the bathroom and trashed my tights because i was so hot. such a great concert.

instrumental song & video we made for fun

short stories at 7am

When I was still in high school my favourite thing to do at night was take a warm shower,have a hersheys kiss, and read in my room with across the universe on as a silent artistic backround. Sometimes Id read...sometimes Id paint with my music on.It was a transforming time in my life, I was learning what it was like to stay in one place for the first time. I was sixteen, Id moved 22 times & had no idea Id ever be in the same room with these musicians.
 Younger I lived with my mom, venturing with her everywhere & learned to love it. We would settle in, get to know the place .. the spots we liked,the good restaurants . . the bad ones. I met so many people, sometimes we wouldnt stay long at all but I learned how to not get too attached & grew up fast but was still very much sheltered. It was fun, and Im so fortunate that we can go to so many places now & have so many great friends scattered through out every where and remain close to them even from far away.
 When I was fifteen something bad happened to our family.After that my mom dated this asshole for a while. He would call my five year old sister fat. She would cry and now shes always watching her weight. It KILLED me. If I heard anything like that I would take her into the bathroom and she would be crying. With tears Id tell her she was beautiful and to never listen to anyone that would tell her other wise. I was the only one that didnt accept how he would demean us. Then he threw me and pushed me around.. thats when I moved in with my dads family for the first time.
 My dads house had a routine and was "normal" but a bit boring to me at first..they ate dinner together & it was so foreign and awkward to me because with my mom we all did our own thing. I wasnt used to it & had to ease into it. It became one of my favourite parts of the day,dinner with my family. Thats where I stayed for a long time. I was "the new girl" again. I quietly sat and listened to my ipod alone and happy. That year I heard this song for the first time. I swallowed the weepies whole. That year was the calmest of my life & this song reminds me of that. That and learning what its like to live stay grounded for a long period of time. Have a routine of my own & I admire it as much as traveling. Now both to me are of equal importance.
 This year I was driving to my apartment after visiting a friend and saw tiny sign after passing downtown. THE WEEPIES in two days. I got the tickets straight away & sean had never heard of them so it was one of the greatest suprises. Steve and Deb Talan were the sweetest and most hilarious people. Once through out the night I remember them mentioning moving around. Deb said,"I settled down when I got pregnant with Theo.I was scared to leave the house, because I was one!And well,I didnt leave our house for three years." It was so sweet. Listening to it right now..its funny how one song can bring all of this back, & make me feel like Im in my old room,eating a hersheys kiss and having my first glass of wine. Before the show Sean & I were walking in opposite directions around a light pole & their manager stopped at looked at us .. we all laughed. This married couple has to be one of the sweetest youll ever meet & that show was a dream.

i feel like a ball of snow

my cutie boy

my thoughts in a morning shower after a late night rave with my frens

*cold showers are the only way to go in the summer*the lights looked neat going through those trees.the first thing i noticed was that girl to the left of the stage.with a grey t shirt,black leggings and a thin black laced ballerina skirt.just letting all energy out in every which way.a red happy ball of energy was what she was.the water running down my skin reminded me of the way the thin different colour lights,sailed over my arms and frens.shit,i left tarantula at james'..oh wait,he'll enjoy it...i just hope he picks it up.that dj that asked me to be her dancer,next to the stage while she performed..really rocked that pixie cut.that was pretty fucked up that someone stole her makeup.i need to get the canvas out of my trunk for next months gallery.for some reason,ive been taking a massive interest in painting/drawing umbrellas.and i dont know why..i never really use them..guess i just miss the rain..and think they look neat.aw man my toothbrush is in my car.bummer about that bunk roll of film,such good photos..oh well,easy come..~stand for a while~*turn shower off*

this is how i miss you

it was hard to think of you,for a long time.i never got to tell you goodbye.it was easy to remember you,on the good days.i heard you were doing okay.missed you an wanted to talk,but everyone told me it was better to stay away.they never gave me the way to contact you.its been almost five years?i finally got ahold of your email about four weeks ago.i was so eager to write,i didnt for i was just trying to think of the right things to say.that same week you were gone,like a flame in the wind.i always missed you.i never got the chance to tell you how i felt.so im telling you now.i just want you to know that despite all of the bad,i never judged you.when my brother and i would sit on our second story roof to watch the stars..and see you leaving at four am..wondering where you went.the heroin.the lies.those things,i forgave them,i never held them against you,ever.i know of all the things that happened,but i cant seem to put those pieces together with the person i remember..i loved getting out of school to come work at our family store,you and my mom would be there..with pizza for me and ria sometimes.you guys would go home,we would close the store at 8 pm after selling the doctors and nurses the things they needed.i remember so many things.i was getting paperwork from my moms file to renew my drivers license when i saw your death certificate.a water formed my eyes..i couldnt believe it still,the paper read..your name,the place,the cause,the time.i love you.i love you,thats what i wanted to say.i hope you knew that.

vashti day

                                           early morning

                                          midday

                                           evening

two heartbeats, one stream

sunday morning some friends and i suprised him with a trip to six flags for his 21st birthday. after that we traveled to venice. i also got him little instruments we could use next time we go to a drum circle and we walked barefoot. i missed venice so much,we walked along the shops, saw the daily drum circle, joined in..bought someone food and walked through a group of people who seemed like they were on acid. some hippie guy looked and me, smiled, raised his eye brows and said hey. girls put paint on each others faces and sean lost his glasses on a rollercoaster, i made him go on a spin around ride with me,  he almost cried..it was adorable.the weather was beautiful, the day was magical and surreal like a dream. 
 before his birthday we catered his sisters bridal shower and he made everything from scratch.different quiches and different scones and salads and did amazing!
we got into groups for a game and the groups had to choose on person to make a dress out of toilet paper.to my suprise,in my group everyone pointed at me at the same time and we won!  it was funny how ended up a rather pretty dress for the material it was made from. patty called me a mysterious gorgeous little wood nymph and sean kissed me on the cheek. i won gardening supplies amongst bags upon bags of wildflowers, we planted them this morning amongst the garden. monday night on his birthday we celebrated, had tempanyaki for dinner..i got sick from dinner and was throwing up all night :/ but i was happy. he ordered his first drink,it was a japanese version of a long island iced tea and we hung out with our closest friends and (they) had citrus vodka lemonade ha ive been training at work but it was such a pleasure to get off and see him there,with some bubbles for me.i made some tea,he made some coffee and weve been making music and hanging with kevin in the mancave. i also made a tumblr but it seems a little too trendy for me, although i do like the good movie and music blogs ha

 

chirp chirp chirp

on a piano,
 there is a key for every emotion you have. for years i have consistently barricaded myself into any room with a piano for hours upon end,singing real songs or making some up.but today i realized that for me,even just looking at a piano entails such beauty.music and art is another form of communication.its a language that can only come from your soul.


tonight i dabbled a little with some acrylic, i painted this and gave it to a stranger





and still,he picks me a flower almost everyday

postcards from italy

 here's a sequence of some photos circa 2006.my cousin kiana and i took while walking home after school when i was sixteen.
 we lived across the street from each other.its funny,its always been way since we were little.whenever my dad and his sister moved..we.d end up in walking distance from each other.i moved so much & these particular houses were right across the street from our school.if we stayed home or anything we could still hear the bells in the distance,and they were always at a certain time of the day.at first i thought it was annoying,but then it almost became a certain comfort.every day i didnt care what time it was,and you can always feel what time its around.but that never mattered..when the bells rang, you knew it was exactly twelve..lunch…two fourty, schools out then four.after school detention was over.even when something wasnt related to those bells you could still go off of the time.like when the bell rang at four,i knew i had a half an hour before i had to get my stuff together for my pottery club at five o clock.then sometimes a bell would go off at night, we thought it was funny.there was a huge window on the second story across from the staircase and you could see the sky. sometimes id lay upstairs when there was a thunderstorm with a warm cup of tea,wrapped in a big blanket keeping the lightning company.watching the big bolts and the crooked tiny slithers across the night sky.everyday my cousin and i would wake up (sleep over or not) id eat an apple and we.d walk to school together.the morning dew felt so fresh,i always thought she was a cute morning grouch with messy hair & being up early always felt so good.

to be infinite

simple.

this week we refrained from saying. we just were

egrets and snowy plovers

 small little bodies,even smaller feet..no neck,fluffy..snowy plovers.going extinct.afraid of humans who get in their way of food by sunbathing and other things..they stopped eating. not to worry, trying to keep the species alive..people now sit and make people leave if they stay too long near snowy plover homes. me and brianna saw the babies running near the water to eat..and running away from the water,so cute. 
 visiting friends,here briana took me to a secluded park..we sat laughed,enjoyed the scenery & saw a homeless person dressed as a pirate

 with sun in our eyes,taking long walks,good music food movies and trees.fresh beach filled the air,i miss having you back at home,but im so happy i got to visit you.im so proud of you..and im so happy youre expanding your horizons.i love you,and ill see you soon (: dear friend.

 
a bus ride a train ride..photos from my windows,writing in my notebook,secret note song to stranger, to home.

curly locks

curly locks are growing out again,now i realized how much i missed them.

fallen down,covered in wishes.

heres some recent stuff,products dripping from imagination,insomnia,frustration,

suprises and happiness..

mixed in a blender with paint 

and emerged onto canvas with my hands.

lately ive been deriving pleasure from things that are ephemeral..small things like dipping my fingers in a brown barrel of colourful little beads,wearing my mittens in the cold supermarket,and sticking my tongue out at children to get cute reactions.

i sat in green monsters living room admiring his pink curtains..
then the green monster waddled into a room with an outstretched rubber band,pointing it at me,
shielding myself with my arms,i warned him "look out someones going to throw a pebble at you!"
"who's dumb enough to throw a pebble at a green monster with a rubberband?!"he laughed
"meeeeee!!"squeaked a random pink monster outside his cave and threw a sparkling pebble at his head! a yellow monster laughed from afar,the green monster sat in awe.i thought seriously about putting them in jars and keeping them as pets but i just watched instead.
then the green monster shot his rubber band straight in the air and ran to hug the pink monster
drowning her with hugs and light kisses on her cheeks.
"you are my one true love,it struck me when i looked at you after you threw a pebble at my head.our chemistry is undeniable for youre my favourite colour..see?"pointing at his pink curtains.."just like my curtains!and i love youre toenails,and ive always wanted a monster who throws pebbles..were meant to be,always"
she smiled and hugged him back
their knees and ankles always neighbours after that.encircled with mountaintops they lived effortlessly happy in caves tuesdays through mondays ever since.

to die by your side,is such a heavenly way to die

its ours,sunrise.

 
me & my house mate woke up about 4 am

5 am we decided we were thirsty 
for a some drink foreign from our

place

drove off an stopped at a red light

no one was around,so we sat..through about six or seven

more red lights to watch the sun rise.

beautiful morning & beautiful music

serene & extremely cozy.

furthermore..heres some recent artwork(:

progression

underneath,everything

wakeful dreamers.
finding hope despite every small disaster.
walks through the park,
down the streets
 past the night
hand in hand
pure honest love
and i see it
inside and from it
everyday
like that little skeleton of a leaf
he found it and gave it to me

inspired by every angle 

the new year

a flooded park last winter.

a dash of orange leaves.

happening,quiet.pictures.noises,clicks from the camera.
kids.moving.writing.painting.singing.sitting.
keeping to myself &sean.
lights in the night time sound aloud.

im looking forward to this,11.good number with wonderful things to embrace.